Her heart.

"I never had that kinda love that was forever..."

She thinks of a time where she once felt the inevitable rollercoaster of emotions caused by a love gone wrong...
she grabs her chest as the memory of an indescribable pain shoots through Her heart..
in the end, she no longer hurts, cries or moans...but simply wonders..why?

for weeks, she'd crawl
from the point of blaming herself until the idea of walking becomes familar
standing up tall, she begins to think on her feet...
showing signs of progress, she walks slowly until she is again able to feel...
this feeling that she is somewhat afraid of..
digging deep down inside from a place that is hollow
she finds this passion that can never be removed
she was born to love.
& she has the hunger to run...but still, she walks
slowly..
taking baby steps back into this world which is driven by hatred and envy
she is hesitant
& as she stares at her own reflection in the mirror, reluctantly..
she feels love..
somewhere deep down inside..
Her heart....

moments of friendship...

in the world of a young woman, everything is a crisis. From boys to clothes to whatever else is important at the moment, everything is red alert...
I could chose from hundreds of contacts in my phone to call when something bad has happened..
and they will all listen because who doesn't love drama?
But in my time of need, when all I need is a FRIEND...no one can listen...and those who do, only listen to tell...
It's almost heartbreaking how superficial friendly relationships have become. We call each other sisters and friends but we don't really know what it means to just be a friend...
someone we can not only share the bad news with but also great things...
I yearn to call a girlfriend up and tell her how happy my man has made me or that I got some extra money this pay period...but behind the smiles, lies animonsity, hatred and pure envy. for whatever reason, we can never just be happy for one another and let our accomplishments encourage each other. no we must wonder why we didn't recieve the blessings of our fellow 'friends'
*sigh*
If nothing else...my heart yearns for genuine friendship.

"Friendship is Essential to the Soul"

Existentialist..

"The refusal to belong to any school of thought, the repudiation of the adequacy of any body of beliefs whatsoever; & especially of systems, & a marked dissatisfaction with traditional philosophy as superficial, academic & remote from life...- that is the heart of Existentialism."

- W. Kaufmann

Individuality.

The moment I feel something, amything, I wonder..
Has anyone else ever felt this way?
Is anyone else feeling this exact same feeling at this very same moment?
millions of pointless thoughts running through my mind all at once which ultimately lead back to the very same conclusion: I am the only person with the ability to feel MY feelings.
Sure, we all endure similar experiences, some even identical to others, but who really feels what I feel?
No one...
as I digress... I wonder how can anyone else understand what it is that I feel if they've never felt it? There's always someone to say "I know exactly how you feel" but do they really?
I conclude not.
it is often difficult for me to decipher some of my own thoughts and emotions..they bounce around endlessly..it's like I always feel something.
How does one prevent their own self from feeling?
It is impossible...
There are those who find the idea of 'feeling' somewhat foreign and then there's people like me, who constantly feel and wonder..why?
There is always that question that asks why do I feel this way?
and then I realize; it is the answer that sets me apart from anyone else who feels.
although I do not yet know the answer to this inevitable question, my destiny in life is to find it.
My feelings, my thoughts, my emotions and all stemming from them have so elegantly formed my individuality.