So everybody knows men are extra sensitive when it comes to falling in love and all that mushy stuff...It's been said that it's alot harder for men to fall in love than women and when they do fall they fall hard. So with that being said, it would be assumed that the male pride is very fragile when dealing with the 'love' issue.
Although men expect a little more slack when it comes to giving up their hearts and such, does that give you guys reason to act a damn fool when your precious hearts get broken??
No. It's bad enough that some men will make a woman jump through hoops just to get him to say "I Love you", does the love have to be like walking on egg shells? I mean it's like you have to make sure you don't do anything to upset him or hurt his precious ego, come on it's disqusting the way you guys get. It's like dealing with children, excusing certain behavior because they don't know any better.
I digress...
What brings me to this annoying subject is that I was on the internet today and I saw a guy post a status, basically taking shots at his ex(indirectly). Not only was it childish but it was embarassing. I'm assuming that when he posted the status he believed that it would be entertaining and that it would somehow make his ex-girl feel belittled.. smh. silly little boys. When you do this, it only shows how much you still care and it also confirms the fact that you do indeed still think about her. It doesn't change that everybody knows that you're hurting, especially when you post the status for a bunch of people who knew how much you loved and respected her. Okay we get it, you're angry, fine. That's normal, but you getting all huffy about it and posting ignorant shit on the internet doesn't change the fact that at the end of the day, ya still gotta get over the shit.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Jaded Images.
There once was a time when all I could do was replay painful memories… &just cry.
But as I sit &reflect on those who have hurt me, I find it difficult to remember most detail
&now that I find myself back at this familiar place, I find only comfort in the idea that one day soon this will be just another jaded memory like all the rest.
An image to add to a collage of disappointment
One step closer in my journey of self-fulfillment
I envision myself possessive of limitless confidence &the strength to do anything.
Never breaking hearts but only barriers with my thoughts.
I aim to satisfy no one man who cannot fully understand what it means to satisfy me…a Queen
Royalty in every sense of a woman but none of material needs.
He will be my king &his throne will stay firm. He will be genuine & I empathetic in return.
Someday I will sacrifice my womb, but only for a man
A man who fully understands that our opinions may not always be the same
One who chooses not to remain oblivious of his match but will make sacrifices to keep something so precious in tact
Respect & honesty will be his foundation & he would be one of god’s most beautiful creations.
I will not pursue a search of such a man, but I do indeed pray
That the day that I do find him..
He’ll never fade away.
But as I sit &reflect on those who have hurt me, I find it difficult to remember most detail
&now that I find myself back at this familiar place, I find only comfort in the idea that one day soon this will be just another jaded memory like all the rest.
An image to add to a collage of disappointment
One step closer in my journey of self-fulfillment
I envision myself possessive of limitless confidence &the strength to do anything.
Never breaking hearts but only barriers with my thoughts.
I aim to satisfy no one man who cannot fully understand what it means to satisfy me…a Queen
Royalty in every sense of a woman but none of material needs.
He will be my king &his throne will stay firm. He will be genuine & I empathetic in return.
Someday I will sacrifice my womb, but only for a man
A man who fully understands that our opinions may not always be the same
One who chooses not to remain oblivious of his match but will make sacrifices to keep something so precious in tact
Respect & honesty will be his foundation & he would be one of god’s most beautiful creations.
I will not pursue a search of such a man, but I do indeed pray
That the day that I do find him..
He’ll never fade away.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Can love ever be perfect?
I once thought so..
I've been "in love" a few times but I don't think I know what real love feels like, or if such a thing even exists. Honestly, 90% of the adult human population believes that they have been in love at some point in their lives, but if real or true love so to speak, is so hard to find, how do we so frequently find ourselves in it?
I just imagine real love to be something that can't be determined at first sight or at some cheesy ball. I envision real love to feel like no other imitation of love that we as people create in our minds. It would cause a person to trust that love so much that there would never be any question of infidelity. It would allow a person with so many insecurities to feel confident without condition.
A perfect love would have to be so powerful that even you couldn't control it, right?
I've been "in love" a few times but I don't think I know what real love feels like, or if such a thing even exists. Honestly, 90% of the adult human population believes that they have been in love at some point in their lives, but if real or true love so to speak, is so hard to find, how do we so frequently find ourselves in it?
I just imagine real love to be something that can't be determined at first sight or at some cheesy ball. I envision real love to feel like no other imitation of love that we as people create in our minds. It would cause a person to trust that love so much that there would never be any question of infidelity. It would allow a person with so many insecurities to feel confident without condition.
A perfect love would have to be so powerful that even you couldn't control it, right?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Parental Discretion is Advised.
The title of this blog is: The only place where "I" can be "I"..
I is me and this is my shit, subscribe and tune in at your own risk. This ain't facebook or myspace and this ain't for the faint of heart. This is what I feel and best believe this will come out real. As real as it gets on this side anyway.
When I blog, I refer to whatever is on my conscience at that specific point & time. The emotion and meaning will bleed through my words and if you have a heart and/or a mind you will process it just the way it reads. There's no reading in between the lines here, if you're looking for something; you will find it. I hide things inside my poetry and I'm fortunate enough to have the skill to do that well. I've written poetry about people and they have no idea. It's like poetry is one big metaphor. I can say anything and make it mean whatever I want it to & when you read it, it will mean exactly that.
But seriously this is my place to vent, raw & uncensored. So those of you who know me, understand that I am deeply passionate about my feelings and even more about my writing. I'm not sensitive but I do get offended when people criticize my shit and it ain't constructive. So again I say This is MY shit, if you read the first one and didn't like it chances are, you shouldn't read the second. The only thing that will change is the subject, nothing more, nothing less.
This is me.
Good day & Good night.
I is me and this is my shit, subscribe and tune in at your own risk. This ain't facebook or myspace and this ain't for the faint of heart. This is what I feel and best believe this will come out real. As real as it gets on this side anyway.
When I blog, I refer to whatever is on my conscience at that specific point & time. The emotion and meaning will bleed through my words and if you have a heart and/or a mind you will process it just the way it reads. There's no reading in between the lines here, if you're looking for something; you will find it. I hide things inside my poetry and I'm fortunate enough to have the skill to do that well. I've written poetry about people and they have no idea. It's like poetry is one big metaphor. I can say anything and make it mean whatever I want it to & when you read it, it will mean exactly that.
But seriously this is my place to vent, raw & uncensored. So those of you who know me, understand that I am deeply passionate about my feelings and even more about my writing. I'm not sensitive but I do get offended when people criticize my shit and it ain't constructive. So again I say This is MY shit, if you read the first one and didn't like it chances are, you shouldn't read the second. The only thing that will change is the subject, nothing more, nothing less.
This is me.
Good day & Good night.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Hi hater!
I’m baffled.
Whatever happened to giving credit where credit is due? There’s some sort of epidemic in this day &age where hating is a must, especially within the female community.
For as long as I can remember I’ve never been the most ‘liked’ female, I was hated on to say the least. Now while I know I wasn’t liked, I sure as hell was admired. Even in High School, I had associates, but I never messed with girls like that. I always hung around the boys, not that I was fast or anything. I just liked kicking it with the guys and of course the girls weren’t very fond of me for this exact reason. But I honestly believe they hated me for a different reason: the fact that I didn’t care…
You see misery loves company and boy were these bitches miserable. I was always cute, classy and most importantly; gifted. I never cared about being alone as far as being accepted by the ‘cool kids’. I didn’t need a crew, hell the most popular crew was too busy watching me.
You see I moved alone and never needed a bunch of girls to stand behind me to look good. I just smiled at the boys and made the girls mad.
Even now in college, I don’t have too many female numbers in my phone. I stay in a female dorm; hardly ever there. Weak females bring too much drama and as previously stated girls just can’t be women and give me my damn credit! Now don’t get it twisted, approval is not at all required, but maybe I would acknowledge you bitches if you just simply admitted that you look up to me. You read what I write and wish you could think of some shit half as clever. You’re looking over your shoulder when your dude says hi to me to see if he’s watching me walk away, which most likely he is because the ass has gotten fatter ;)
But enough playing, back to what I was saying. These broads need to grow up and quit being so damn sour, it doesn’t look good on you to hate me or any other bad bitch for that matter.
Step ya game up, and maybe you'll get a thank you card…
Whatever happened to giving credit where credit is due? There’s some sort of epidemic in this day &age where hating is a must, especially within the female community.
For as long as I can remember I’ve never been the most ‘liked’ female, I was hated on to say the least. Now while I know I wasn’t liked, I sure as hell was admired. Even in High School, I had associates, but I never messed with girls like that. I always hung around the boys, not that I was fast or anything. I just liked kicking it with the guys and of course the girls weren’t very fond of me for this exact reason. But I honestly believe they hated me for a different reason: the fact that I didn’t care…
You see misery loves company and boy were these bitches miserable. I was always cute, classy and most importantly; gifted. I never cared about being alone as far as being accepted by the ‘cool kids’. I didn’t need a crew, hell the most popular crew was too busy watching me.
You see I moved alone and never needed a bunch of girls to stand behind me to look good. I just smiled at the boys and made the girls mad.
Even now in college, I don’t have too many female numbers in my phone. I stay in a female dorm; hardly ever there. Weak females bring too much drama and as previously stated girls just can’t be women and give me my damn credit! Now don’t get it twisted, approval is not at all required, but maybe I would acknowledge you bitches if you just simply admitted that you look up to me. You read what I write and wish you could think of some shit half as clever. You’re looking over your shoulder when your dude says hi to me to see if he’s watching me walk away, which most likely he is because the ass has gotten fatter ;)
But enough playing, back to what I was saying. These broads need to grow up and quit being so damn sour, it doesn’t look good on you to hate me or any other bad bitch for that matter.
Step ya game up, and maybe you'll get a thank you card…
May I borrow some sugar?
First and foremost,
Shout outs to Dre, who has been my friend faithfully for YEARS now and has put up with my heartbroken stories and every single one of my "niggas ain't shit" phases. I appreciate you greatly for staying up until the wee hours of the morning and for providing me with some of the greatest conversation and advice..."You the fucking best.." :)
That brings me to what's been on my mind for the past few days. I can't help but wonder, how I never ended up with a guy like that. Someone who actually understands all the mistakes I make yet still, doesn't think it's necessary to treat me like shit. idk. but thats not what this is about. Today I had an epiphany.. or something like it. I wouldn't even classify my last situation as heartbreak. although my heart was indeed broken.. i chalk it up as a simple mistake. I went against the very thing that makes some women different from men..my intuition. Some call it a conscience, but that very thing, whatever we call it..told me something & I ignored it. To some that may seem small but to me it was one of the biggest mistakes I could've made as a woman. I stopped believing in myself at that point. I basically told myself that I was going to let something like love alllow me to lose faith in my own intuition. Big mistake.
But let's not dwell on that portion.. long story short I made a mistake and paid for it. and now I look back in a healthy sorta way and I think: never again. People wear so many different costumes, some better than others. I've come into contact with people whose costumes were as transparent as their shallow personalities, but recently I dealt with someone who had the most concealing costume of them all; fooled the hell outta me.. Now I’m not gonna start with all that bitter, he wasn’t shit kinda talk, but I will say: he got me, lol yea he got me good. But the worst part is that even after I found out, I still wanted to be with him. What part of the game is that? He showed me who he was, and I still loved him..see now shit like that gets me to thinking wtf is wrong with me? Have I lowered my standards that deep to the point where I don’t know good from bad? Have I gotten to the point where I just say fuck it, I came this far, there’s no turning back now? I was trippin, with no luggage. I had to get myself together. So I played the game a little longer, and made him think he still had a chance and then cut him off cold turkey. Like a fucking addiction, that’s exactly what it felt like. I mean it just wasn’t worth it, going back and forth between us and myself. Man at the end of the day fuck that, I’m more important and I'd cheated myself enough already. God knows I still love the guy, more than anything in this world, but damn that. Nothing is worth lowering yourself to force something fake to look or even feel real. I cried real tears and I sure as hell have real feelings and I won’t waste them on something plastic.
So there’s that..:::sigh:::
All this thought about love &all that other bullshit, I almost forgot what it feels like to actually meet somebody new. You know that ‘new’ feeling you get when you meet someone and realize you’re attracted to them.? Lol, what a great feeling…being shacked up all this time has made me forget that I’m at an age where I should be mingling..and oh how I yearn for some masculine company. It just feels good to be in the presence of a real man. One who walks and talks and even smells like a man. I’m even starting to miss my guy friends back at school. Just being able to call one and talk shit about the weak dudes I deal with and then laugh about how “I sure know how to pick em” LOL..
The other day my mom, two sisters and I were sipping on some wine and playing spades and these guys who just moved in next door came and knocked on the door.. so it’s these three guys asking if we know what’s to do in this area? She tells them the name of a few clubs and they say thanks and go back home. So I guess they must’ve decided she was kinda cute I wonder what the others look like(LOL) they knock again and they’re like well do you guys wanna hang out with us? So we’re like maybe next time..
So now me & my sisters are extremely bored and we’re like hey let’s go see about those guys next door and I guess they must’ve been out at one of those clubs big sis suggested because we got no answer. Womp. Lol.. but hey I’ve got nothing else to do while I’m here and seeing as how I know NO ONE in the area I may just stop by and say hello tomorrow, maybe even borrow some sugar ;)
Shout outs to Dre, who has been my friend faithfully for YEARS now and has put up with my heartbroken stories and every single one of my "niggas ain't shit" phases. I appreciate you greatly for staying up until the wee hours of the morning and for providing me with some of the greatest conversation and advice..."You the fucking best.." :)
That brings me to what's been on my mind for the past few days. I can't help but wonder, how I never ended up with a guy like that. Someone who actually understands all the mistakes I make yet still, doesn't think it's necessary to treat me like shit. idk. but thats not what this is about. Today I had an epiphany.. or something like it. I wouldn't even classify my last situation as heartbreak. although my heart was indeed broken.. i chalk it up as a simple mistake. I went against the very thing that makes some women different from men..my intuition. Some call it a conscience, but that very thing, whatever we call it..told me something & I ignored it. To some that may seem small but to me it was one of the biggest mistakes I could've made as a woman. I stopped believing in myself at that point. I basically told myself that I was going to let something like love alllow me to lose faith in my own intuition. Big mistake.
But let's not dwell on that portion.. long story short I made a mistake and paid for it. and now I look back in a healthy sorta way and I think: never again. People wear so many different costumes, some better than others. I've come into contact with people whose costumes were as transparent as their shallow personalities, but recently I dealt with someone who had the most concealing costume of them all; fooled the hell outta me.. Now I’m not gonna start with all that bitter, he wasn’t shit kinda talk, but I will say: he got me, lol yea he got me good. But the worst part is that even after I found out, I still wanted to be with him. What part of the game is that? He showed me who he was, and I still loved him..see now shit like that gets me to thinking wtf is wrong with me? Have I lowered my standards that deep to the point where I don’t know good from bad? Have I gotten to the point where I just say fuck it, I came this far, there’s no turning back now? I was trippin, with no luggage. I had to get myself together. So I played the game a little longer, and made him think he still had a chance and then cut him off cold turkey. Like a fucking addiction, that’s exactly what it felt like. I mean it just wasn’t worth it, going back and forth between us and myself. Man at the end of the day fuck that, I’m more important and I'd cheated myself enough already. God knows I still love the guy, more than anything in this world, but damn that. Nothing is worth lowering yourself to force something fake to look or even feel real. I cried real tears and I sure as hell have real feelings and I won’t waste them on something plastic.
So there’s that..:::sigh:::
All this thought about love &all that other bullshit, I almost forgot what it feels like to actually meet somebody new. You know that ‘new’ feeling you get when you meet someone and realize you’re attracted to them.? Lol, what a great feeling…being shacked up all this time has made me forget that I’m at an age where I should be mingling..and oh how I yearn for some masculine company. It just feels good to be in the presence of a real man. One who walks and talks and even smells like a man. I’m even starting to miss my guy friends back at school. Just being able to call one and talk shit about the weak dudes I deal with and then laugh about how “I sure know how to pick em” LOL..
The other day my mom, two sisters and I were sipping on some wine and playing spades and these guys who just moved in next door came and knocked on the door.. so it’s these three guys asking if we know what’s to do in this area? She tells them the name of a few clubs and they say thanks and go back home. So I guess they must’ve decided she was kinda cute I wonder what the others look like(LOL) they knock again and they’re like well do you guys wanna hang out with us? So we’re like maybe next time..
So now me & my sisters are extremely bored and we’re like hey let’s go see about those guys next door and I guess they must’ve been out at one of those clubs big sis suggested because we got no answer. Womp. Lol.. but hey I’ve got nothing else to do while I’m here and seeing as how I know NO ONE in the area I may just stop by and say hello tomorrow, maybe even borrow some sugar ;)
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