Untitled.

There is sadness in my eyes, but no tears.
There's pain in my heart, still there is nothing that I fear.
There's hapiness in my mind, though I find it hard to smile.
So much love in my soul; enough passion to stretch miles.
I can write until my fingers bleed & still have words left to share.
You could throw me down in this very dirt where I stand & still, for you, I'll care.
I can cry my eyes shut & still have tears to spare.
Because no matter how polluted, I still breathe your air.
The most intelligent of us will still follow our hearts before our minds.
So I wonder is it unhealthy to cry, because I want to all the time?
Not because I've been hurt, but because I somehow lost what I'm sure was mine.
My sanity.
Faith in anything good.
Trust.
Unbelieving in myself when security was a must.
How can the silence between us be so loud?
confused to see a fool strutting the pavement so proud.
When did wrong become right?
darkness become light?
been a pawn for to long, ready to give up this fight.
playing strong for so long
ready to break down & cry
not looking at you
but lifting my head to the sky
you see this act is not weakness
but every fighter meets his match
so you can call this one a loss for me
but know one thing, I'm coming back.

Loyalty

"Death before Dishonor..."

As I'm walking down memory lane, I find myself on this familiar road again. I'm searching for someone to talk to, I'm searching for a friend. Reaching for something that doesn't exist...

Whatever happened to the times when people genuinely cared about their friends & family? Granted everybody makes mistakes, but when you hurt someone you love or care for & you see that its hurting them yet you still continue to do it..I can't help but wonder: who can you trust?

Between underlying motives & personal advancement, I don't know which one is more common. People care more about pleasing themselves and making sure they stay in the spotlight than anything else. What has life taught us? that if we consistently do for ourselves, we will prosper? or that if we just pretend to not notice other peoples feelings, they don't exist?

I have had people close to me hurt me more than anybody in the world & I'm not referring to guys who've cheated or anything simple like that. I'm talking blood relatives, Sorors, best friends, people who supposedly share an unbreakable bond with me. At first I'm wondering: How could this be possible? But after enough times, I'm hip. I understand now, some people just have loyalty to no one.

Marc Papers - Rippin' The Pro-Tools

http://tinyurl.com/y2eedle

This little light of mine.

Standing alone outside
in the dead of the night,
I look up at the sky
& my attention catches a light.
a sight so nice
not as bright as all the others,
but glowing more beautiful
with hundreds of invigorating colors.
The sparkle of the light matched
the twinkle in my eye,
so I continued to just stare
becoming one with the sky.
I felt something so strong
Sort of like a common bond
& in the blink of an eye
It disappeared…
just like that my light was gone.
I wanted to scream “why?!”
Even wanted to cry,
but instead I just waited
Still looking up at the sky.
Then suddenly my light appeared
as I wiped away my tears,
& as quickly as it came
it left again with all my fears.
I learned to accept sudden leave of absence
me & my light, we mastered
this game of cat & mouse
because in life this is what happens.
My vision was blurred
But I no longer lose my sight
I can see clearly, this lesson
taught to me by my light.
Never be afraid
Although my light went & it came
This is just one light
& every light is not the same.

I write...

I write with the intentions of freeing my soul. for that little girl who never said a word. I write so that her story will never go untold. laying in the cold. alone in the dark. I speak the words from inside of my heart. when my pen touches this paper. these words come to life. the story's confusing. but each & everyday, I write...I write. until everything is clear.
& it hurts. but still I never shed a tear. I write so that my tears wont have to fall. giving my all. because when i write, I'm telling it all. each & every night I didn't recieve a call. anticipating...patiently waiting...while I write.

Dear Dad.

I needed you
to tell me I was beautiful
I needed you
simply to do
whatever it is that fathers do
I wanted to be perfect for you...
I'm your daughter,
why wouldn't I need you
Couldn't imagine you'd have these flaws
never coming when I called
Now something's missing
every relationship eventually becomes distant
Its difficult to hold on
Letting go is so simplistic
Being Daddy's little girl; I missed it
I just don't get it
you're only job in my life
& you quit it
but don't worry
I still did it
Jury's made its ruling
You've been acquitted
you're off the hook dad
you did it...

FREEDOM.

Televisions on but i can't process the images on the screen. I'm sitting here feeling a feeling like I'm never heard nor seen. I just want to feel love, I was born to love. But I'm just a person, a girl, a woman in vain. I'm hurting over & over again. help me understand. I look in the mirror at an unfamiliar face. feels like someone came in & took my place. Who is this? maybe you can help me, help me to understand. but you're just a person, a boy..almost a man. staring out my window listening for the wind. dreaming of some days when there's nothing left to do but win. but I love you. & that feels like a sin. Why do I love you. why do I want you. who are you? my vision is blurred. these tears make it hard for me to see. you're similar to these demons. keeping me awake at night. you're no good for me. still I see no one else in sight. my worst enemy is my best friend. I did this to myself not once, but twice & now I'm doing it again. I truly love the rain. but why must it come with so much pain. I'm calling out for you. but instead you're calling for them. plain as day. written in ink. posted on a billboard. our hearts will never be in sync. never beating on one accord. still I pull & hold on. but this heart of mine's not so strong. I just want to be loved. I am NOT a woman scorned. I want to be loved. appreciated. as i appreciate this feeling. I'm unsure of the right time to give up. but something here, its got me stuck. my heart is on the floor. there's nothing left. I gave it all to you. even my last breath. I simply beg of you. for nothing but freedom. i don't know who you are. but you are hurting me. you said you never would. I thought you were the one. what have you done?