Ashamed.

feels like falling on your face
in a crowded, but strange place
& then falling down again.
no family. no friends.
not even an old companion just to help.
embarassed by my self
knees soaked with blood
head down
while tears fall fiercely to the ground
making absolutely no sound
no screams. no weep
only the whisper of a soul slithering outside of me
screaming to me for protection
scolding me for the neglect when ive already warned me
not to avoid myself
& now i need help
in saving me from myself

Battlefield

gave everything until I had nothing left.
not a piece
not even a crumb left
for myself…
I felt death creep up inside of me
removing the only solace left in my heart
Invading my comfort zone; tearing it apart
This path is dark
Darker than the things I’ve done to find comfort from that pain
A vicious cycle
Impossible to explain
All parts in vain
Unnecessary strain on the very thing that pumps blood into my veins
How could I do this to me?
Self-inflicted torture
Searching for an answer for us
alone
Marched right onto the battlefield with no protection
Unarmed; ill prepared for this fight
So many wrong turns
I just want to make this right

3/4/11

here forever, but really, don’t need to be together. Whatever. It is by far,the most clever thing I’ve conjured up in my mind, plenty of times. A beautiful lie. Standing directly in the line of an enormous fire. Had it all and nothing. but my good faith & trusting. If conversed agreements and essential statements are a must, then how could ‘I love you’ transition into lust. Could this be us? So rushed. Yet untouched. Negligent behavior pulls my strings. But I told my master, I can’t handle these things. These feelings. These dreams. I wake up screaming. & still he can’t hear me.