Once Upon a Time..

I once knew someone who loved the thought of me
but, not enough to keep me.
He loved to show me off,
as if proud of some achievement
Me? a job; started & unfinished.
& then one day, he just walked away
From me & my innocently untainted heart
scarring me forever, this… is where it starts

I once loved someone else who loved me too much
So much that it smothered me
Encasing me without the necessary air, I needed to breathe
I was engulfed in this protection that I didn’t know I needed
He pushed, I pulled
until we finally snapped
Shattering me into a million pieces
& in a perfect world…
I could’ve gotten put back

I now love someone who apparently, God has sent to me
For what reason, I don’t know.
He hurts me, but I trust him
The same way I trusted the man who left me, when I needed him most
The man I love fills this void I kept covered & protected
Years of walls built to keep me safe, breaking down in a matter of seconds
Wounds reopened; slowly sprinkled with the most bittersweet of events
He once was infatuated with the idea of loving me,
Protecting me, genuinely
& like the most unwelcome case of déjà-vu,
Everything turned inside out, shaking things completely
& I somehow evolved into that someone I once knew,
Who loved me to the point of no return
Who’d do anything for the one they loved, even if it killed him
But I don’t know him anymore, I am him
Pushing & pulling; slowly becoming a victim
To a crime I allowed to be committed
& I just can’t fathom envisioning, my life without him
Through war, I’m still imprisoned by a life I knowingly chose
I just can’t understand how to get away from the one person I long for the most
I once understood,
but this man I love, I no longer know